I still Love You Darling...
No matter how “happy” I am there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss you my darling….
Love it : Hate it
When I was with you I remember I couldn’t sleep, I believed that reality was better than what a dream could ever compare to. I knew that I was going to wake up and see you throughout my day. And I loved it.
Now that you’re gone, all I want to is just sleep. I know that my dreams are better than what my reality could ever be. Because I know that I’m going to wake up in pain, and false hope. And I hate it.
"I wonder how many tears hit my pillow everytime I remember that day.
With sheets up to my eyes, whispering to God asking Him, “why couldn’t he have stayed?”
With long nights passing, your name was still not a stranger in my mind. 1-2-3-4am is how long the nights would last thinking, ‘what did I do for you to leave me behind.’
I kept you happy I kept you strong
You had me at your back pocket all along.
Your thoughts and memories of the one that you would always dream about,
They came back STRONGER and said “Erika who? She shall be here no longer.”
And on that night you said to your love “I love you ____. I always will my love will never end, but hear me out then I shall leave you be…”
As he continued it seems that this was the only thing that killed me.
When the night continued I knew what had to be done.
With little voices in my head saying “you were never enough, it was never meant to be hun.”
You knew it wouldn’t last, ‘cause you kept on bringing up what belonged in the past.
Yes I was happy, happier than anyone could be, with the presence of your “love” that was never meant for me."
"That’s the twisted thing about someone you love walking out on you. You keep telling yourself that you need to forget them like they forgot you. You keep telling yourself that you need to forget how the corners of their mouth forms little crescent moons right below their dimples when they do that smile or smirk which manages to give you jelly legs and heart palpitations every time. Whilst you keep telling yourself all these things you simply need to forget, you engrave them into your mind more. Maybe you aren’t built to forget something you poured so much love into. The beauty which you and your lover once had, that was art you created. And you should darn well be proud of it."
What if “our love” was never mine to begin with?